this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Close the window there's a draft."




Here are this week's nominees...

“You're gonna have to roll me outta here.”
Submitted by Everett Hartwell
Berkeley, Calif.

“I'd kill for some cream cheese.”
Submitted by Joe Balding
Athens, Ohio

“I think you just ate the spare.”
Submitted by Andrew Pagoulatos
Blairstown, N.J.

I entered...

"This is the greatest invention in our police force's history."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Wake up, you're missing the worst part!"



Here are the leftovers...


You always have to different!

I fell asleep at the Ballet one time! ONE TIME!





Here are this week's nominees...



"That lady's shoes kind of remind me of Joey."
Submitted by Andy Crown
Los Angeles, Calif.

"I still say the sewers are quicker."
Submitted by Howard Lewis Russell
Dallas, Texas

"Anyone care to join us for lunch?"
Submitted by Sara Joshel
Lake Oswego, Ore.

I entered...
"We'll have to tell the other sewer monsters about this!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"This is the greatest invention in our police force's history."






Here's the leftovers...

These are much better than all those lightbulbs we ate.

Maybe we should just eat our mistakes.



Here's this weeks nominees...






"Honey, there's a sale on scarecrows."
Submitted by Peter Adair
Westminster West, Vt.

"If you do the dishes, I'll dust the crops."
Submitted by Craig MacInnis
Toronto, Ont.

"Well, you were right, dear. It does hide that stain in the carpet."
Submitted by Matthew Giamporcaro
Leesburg, Va.

I entered...

"Can you believe it's been 10 years since we got stuck in this maze?"

this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"We'll have to tell the other sewer monsters about this!"






Here are the leftovers...

This is much better than traveling by sewer.

The city has really changed in the last 65 million years.

Did you see Sharks and the City last night?

Thought they didn't allow food on the subway.




Here are this week's nominees...




"O.K., who moved his cheese?"
Submitted by David Lusk
Chesterfield, Mich.

"Quickly—now release the giant cat!"
Submitted by Curt Horvath
Wilmette, Ill.

"Head for the maze!"
Submitted by Curtis McClurkin
New Bedford, Mass.

I entered...
"It works! Ship it to the NFL!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Can you believe it's been 10 years since we got stuck in this maze?"





Here are the leftovers...

Does our carpet look too corny?

We have to shampoo the carpet.

If you build it they will lounge.

This isn't what I thought you meant when you said you were getting corn rows.

Field of Attainable Goals.


Here are this week's nominees....





"I'm gonna go ahead and reheat last night's casserole."
Submitted by Kathryn Willingham
New York, N.Y.

"Let me know if the massacre is running late."
Submitted by George Gerding
Portland, Ore.

"It's just crabgrass, dear."
Submitted by Noel Hager
Albuquerque, N.M.

I entered...

"Have fun fishing."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"It works! Ship it to the NFL!"




Here are this week's nominees....




"Who has the time anymore? Now it just sits there, gathering dust."
Submitted by James Clements
Culpeper, Va.

"When we drink wines from Spain, we replace it with the rack."
Submitted by Andy Van Horn
Orinda, Calif.

"It's been in the family since 1789."
Submitted by Susan G. Thompson
Woodbridge, Va.

I entered...

Anyone want cake?

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Have fun fishing."





Here are the leftovers...

I know you only go out there to drink.

Could you at least try telling them to turn down the music first?

Have fun at Murder Camp.

I saw the mouse behind the garage.

You shouldn't have let the lawn go for so long.





Here's this week's nominees...



"I'll be rapping my presentation."
Submitted by Brandon Lawniczak
Chicago, Ill.

"Prison made him reassess his priorities."
Submitted by Jeffrey Ainis
Monrovia, Calif.

"The acoustics were better in the old boardroom."
Submitted by Stephen Laczniak
Mequon, Wis.


I entered...

"You have to admit, he sings a good point."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


Anyone want cake?






Here are the leftovers...

Who says you can't build a better mouse trap?

Don't worry, it's not what you think, we use it to cut off heads.

Keeps the baby from going near the electrical outlets.











Here are this week's nominees...



"It seems a bit extreme, but it does keep the zombies away."
Submitted by Nathan Paxton
Washington, D.C.

"I dare anyone to say we missed a spot."
Submitted by Virginia Nailling
Austin, Texas

"Looks like they’re making cuts at the top."
Submitted by David Woodbridge
Lake Forest, Ill.

I entered...

"The enchanted mannequins return every morning at sunrise."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"You have to admit, he sings a good point."




Here are the leftovers...

He preforms for stock tips.


Here are this week's nominees...



"There is one more thing we could try."
Submitted by Rob Huffman
Fredericksburg, Va.

"Keep it up."
Submitted by Charlie Pearson
Fairfax, Calif.

"The procedure is completely reversible."
Submitted by Steve Attoe
Calgary, Alta.

I entered...
"Have you considered a dimmer switch?"

this week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"The enchanted mannequins return every morning at sunrise."






Here are the leftovers...

"Here come the suits" is what most people would say, but I'm way too funny a janitor to say that.

The people running this company have their heads up their asses.

Here come the emperors new executives.



Here's this weeks nominees...





"Maybe this explains why we never had children."
Submitted by Tyler Burnett
San Antonio, Texas

"You knew I was a columnist when you married me."
Submitted by Laurissa James
New York, N.Y.

"This game looked a lot easier in the store."
Submitted by Jeffrey Hutchins
Black Mountain, N.C.

I entered...

"Let's just spill something on the carpet and get it over with."

this week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Have you considered a dimmer switch?"





Here are the leftovers...

This should help you turn your brain off before bed.

Be sure to have it in the off position before watching television.

I would avoid surgery and recommend a large novelty hat.








Here's this week's nominees...




"O.K., we learned a lot this game, including you can't rush a soufflé."
Submitted by Jay Solomon
New York, N.Y.

"First base wants to know if you have anything gluten-free."
Submitted by Michael Hicks
New Orleans, La.

"I trust you know what to do when you get to the plate."
Submitted by Phil Rosenthal
Chicago, Ill.

I entered...
"The idea behind new uniforms was that we'd all wear the SAME new uniforms."

This week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Let's just spill something on the carpet and get it over with."




Here's the leftovers...


Can't we just put plastic on the furniture?

We could just take our shoes off on the carpet.






This week's nominees...



"Want to play the license-plate game again?"
Submitted by David Franta
Cincinnati, Ohio

"Is it so important that it be a rescue ship?"
Submitted by Eric Behrens
Austin, Texas

"So I see you went with the grass interior."
Submitted by Jeffrey Kechejian
Bridgeport, Conn.


I entered...

"I remember when this was all swampland."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"The idea behind new uniforms was that we'd all wear the SAME new uniforms."







Here are the leftovers...

Alright serve them up something good.

Okay chief you up next, then you chief, then you chef.

Hit the showers chef, you're crab cakes are uninspired.






Here are this week's nominees...





"You know I'll just go straight to your hips."
Submitted by Blake Chapman
Toronto, Ont.

"We're sorry about your cat, but he was eating the slower children."
Submitted by Steven Woof
Aventura, Fla.

"You’re gonna be huge in this town."
Submitted by David Wilson
Morristown, N.J.

I entered...

"Please spare my boobs, I mean life!"

this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.



"I remember when this was all swampland."




Here's the leftovers...


I wish I'd brought my favorite stop sign instead of this record.

They just ran over the bottle.

This island use to be so deserted.


This week's nominee...



"I finally bagged this monster after three days of bidding on eBay."
Submitted by Mike Harrington
Prairie Village, Kans.

"I only use this room when I'm sentimental for obliteration."
Submitted by Jamie Reynolds
Sisters, Ore.

"It put up quite a fight, but then it ran out of gas."
Submitted by John Blumenthal
Rye, N.Y.

I entered...

"These are extinct now."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Please spare my boobs, I mean life!"




Here are the leftovers...

Oh I get it, you're only interested in my car.








Here are this week's nominees...



"Maybe you can talk him down."
Submitted by Brandon Bart
Brooklyn, N.Y.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee and a pair of stilts?"
Submitted by Claire Stern
Newton, Mass.

"He's at the top now, but he still likes to claw his way there every morning."
Submitted by Ken Alexander
Culver City, Calif.

I entered...
"Word of advice, don't mention his enormous shins."

this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"These are extinct now."




Here are the leftovers...

It was "Friendly Fire", but what the heck.

You'd be amazed what a handgun can stop now days.

Can you believe the steroids deer are on these days?



Here are this week's nominees...






"Performance art eludes me."
Submitted by Rita Rancken
Austin, Texas

"I've changed my mind, Frank. The pool should be over there."
Submitted by Jonathon J. Pepper
New York, N.Y.

"One more, and we are officially lunatics."
Submitted by Jeff D'Onofrio
Wilton, Conn.

I entered...

"On second thought let's put the pool by the tree."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Word of advice, don't mention his enormous shins."





Here are the leftovers...


Make yourself uncomfortable.


Here are this week's nominees...







"We never should have sold those air rights, Ed."
Submitted by Jim Kenney
Glendale, N.Y.

"Oh, look. The Nelsons have their own gravity now."
Submitted by James Hawes
Huntington Beach, Calif.

"Looks like they're ready to be flipped, Bob."
Submitted by Dylan White
Toronto, Ont.


I entered...

"So that's what life would've been like if I'd gotten that perm."

Sexy Dan Scanlon

For my birthday Michele got me this great painting by story artist Josh Cooley . It's based on a very disturbing Halloween costume idea Michele had. She was tired of every girl dressing up as a "Sexy Nurse", "Sexy School Girl" and "Sexy Big Bird" that she decided next year she wants to dress up as a "Sexy" version of me.

I wear pretty much the same type of clothes every day: baseball cap, plaid western shirt,brown corduroy pants, and black tennis shoes.

So behold the Freudian nightmare that is, this years run away Halloween costume, "Sexy Dan Scanlon".




Josh has a series of "girlie" playing cards done in this same style available by clicking here.

this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"On second thought let's put the pool by the tree."




Here's the leftovers...


Nasa wants this moon landing to look perfect.

Do you remember the last time you saw your cars key?

I said giant squares!





Here's this week's nominees...



"Didn't you retire ages ago?"
Submitted by Connor Ryan
Salem, Mass.

"Let's walk him and pitch to the bishop."
Submitted by Dov Cohen
Champaign, Ill.

"Surely you joust."
Submitted by Marianne Baker
Deception Pass, Wash.

I entered...

"These "throwback" uniforms have gone too far".

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"So that's what life would've been like if I'd gotten that perm."





Here's this week's nominees...



"First off, I'd like to apologize for the change in venue."
Submitted by Joan Mitchell
Arrington, Tenn.

"Let's stay positive. Who would like to start with what went right?"
Submitted by Jerry Franklin
Caledonia, Ill.

"Miriam, I pulled a lot of strings to get you in this meeting."
Submitted by Laurence K. Marks
Highland Park, Ill.


I entered...
"We've been acquired by Big Keith in cell block 2."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"These "throwback" uniforms have gone too far".











"Part of me thinks you should be seeing a veterinarian."
Submitted by Ronald McLeod
Nichols Hills, Okla.

"So you say you're only half the man you used to be?"
Submitted by Ron Eland
Waikoloa, Hawaii

"Frankly, your life sounds quite wonderful."
Submitted by Lisa Andrews
Brooklyn, N.Y.

I entered...

"Why do you feel your wife is always riding you?"

this week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"We've been acquired by Big Keith in cell block 2."



Here are the leftovers...

Our toilet wine profits are through the roof.









Here are this week's nominees...




"Hey, kids—you'll need to move over. Mr. Miller's car won't start."
Submitted by Joey Pipia
Port Townsend, Wash.

"Would you call the office and ask them to open my window?"
Submitted by Bill Wiggins
Red Boiling Springs, Tenn.

"It's a loaner."
Submitted by Jim Johnston
Bethesda, Md.

I entered...

"We've got room for one more in here."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Why do you feel your wife is always riding you?"





Here are the leftovers...

What makes you think you’re adopted?

For a horse-man you’re very unstable.


Here's this week's nominees...



"Don't just stand there, Agnes—get the pliers."
Submitted by Dorothy Lefkovits
San Francisco, Calif.

"It's for you."
Submitted by Debbie Meagher
Clearwater, Fla.

"Hello, I'm calling to report a giant hand in my house."
Submitted by Dan Woods
Akron, Ohio

I entered...

"I may be bald but you've really let yourself go Barbie."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"We've got room for one more in here."






Here are the leftovers...

Race you to work.

It's safer than morning traffic.

Want in on the car death pool?


Here are this week's nominees...



"It's a working vacation."
Submitted by Catherine Gibran
Barrington, R.I.

"You'll find we do things a little differently here in accounts swimmable."
Submitted by Stephan Cox
New York, N.Y.

"Can you please fold it into a little boat?"
Submitted by James Morley
Houston, Texas

I entered...

"Come on in the audits fine!"

this week's New Yorker Caption Contest

*Sorry, Blogger was screwed up this week and deleted this post. I didn't realize it until just now.

"I may be bald but you've really let yourself go Barbie."




Here are the left overs...

Next phone I get is going to be hands free.




Here's this weeks nominees...




"I must find the tree that killed my father."
Submitted by Graham Watling
Brooklyn, N.Y.

"That one was asking for it."
Submitted by Ian Spain
Ann Arbor, Mich.

"I came, I sawed, I conquered."
Submitted by Juli Rodgers
Santa Fe, N.M.

I entered...
"This solar powered chainsaw is way better for the environment."

this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Come on in the audits fine!"





Here are the leftovers...


I really want to hear your ideas, put them in with the others.





Here are this week's nominees...








"I'll have the chicken."
Submitted by Liam Kavanagh
Calgary, Alberta

"Give me a second—I know this one."
Submitted by Bezalel Stern
New York, N.Y.

"When they all walked in that day, I thought something seemed funny."
Submitted by Jim Johnson
New York, N.Y.

I entered...
"I'm not sure which three of them entered the bar?"