This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.



"The head chef use to be in the NBA."





Here are the leftover ideas...



The chef was placed under kitchen arrest

This restaurant uses the latest in Nuclear energy to prepare their food.

Is my cologne too strong?

The food is Asian fusion and the atmosphere is Surrealist.




Here are this weeks nominees...




"It feels good to get out of the museum for a night."
Submitted by Frank Campanella
New York, N.Y.

"No, no—you're the archeologist this time!"
Submitted by Eric Reid
Natick, Mass.

"This should keep Emily from running to our bed every time she has a bad dream."
Submitted by Sami Haque
Carol Stream, Ill.

I entered...


"I just can’t sleep comfortably ever since we were raided."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"It is with great sadness that I offer my concession to the incumbent ruler of the forest, Rollo the Bear King."




Here's my one and only very stupid left over...


"I'm a true Washington outsider."


(GET IT! I Can't wait for this election to be finished, I hate topical political humor.)



Speaking of which, here are this weeks nominees...





"Looks like another ye olde stimulus package."
Submitted by John Burke
Park Ridge, Ill.

"Things haven't been the same since we began electing our kings."
Submitted by Jay Mackro
San Juan Capistrano, Calif.

"After seven hundred billion for the nobles, it was the least we could do."
Submitted by Rich Brown
Tampa, Fla.

I entered...

"This is going over much better than the boiling hot water."

Hot Amateur Video (Halloween Edition)

I've been inspired by my friend Steve Purcell's recent blog series "High School Confidential" which feature some of his sweetly naive, yet strangely charming early artwork, to post some of my high school / college films and videos. It's a little embarrassing how technically amateurish these projects are, but perhaps slightly more embarrassing, how much more creative some of them are than the projects I'm doing now.

Happy Halloween! This is the last of the amateur High school films that I'll be posting anytime soon, and I've saved the most over ambitious, confusing, awkwardly violent for last. Happy Halloween!

"Andy"

By Dan Scanlon

1994

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I just can’t sleep comfortably ever since we were raided."




Here are the leftovers...


The Viagra should kick in any minute now.

I still can’t believe that’s the lamp you chose for the after life.

That reminds me, we’re out of toilet paper.

Don’t worry, I’m wearing protection.

I should probably tell you I stalk in my sleep.

Oh no, I just dropped the remote!

Good morning Mummy, I slept pharaohly well last night considering you kept me up with all your coffin!

So hard to have a good night sleep when someone forgets to draw a box spring and frame for your bed.




Here is this weeks nominees...




"Come sweater season, you'll be back."
Submitted by Travis Gosselin
Chicago, Ill.

"You're the one who left your fertility drugs on the counter."
Submitted by Andy Wehrley
New York, N.Y.

"Could you bring me back a goat?"
Submitted by Clif Dickens
Lexington, Ky.

I entered...

"I can’t believe you’re leaving me with the kids!"


Okay, I admit I'm really ashamed of myself on this one. I've been taking the safe bet lately, and choosing the most "Tonight Show" friendly jokes I can think of, but I think that's the wrong way to get nominated. This weeks nominees are much better than my obvious choice. Gotta go with my heart from now on!

Hot Amateur Videos!

I've been inspired by my friend Steve Purcell's recent blog series "High School Confidential" which feature some of his sweetly naive, yet strangely charming early artwork, to post some of my high school / college films and videos. It's a little embarrassing how technically amateurish these projects are, but perhaps slightly more embarrassing, how much more creative some of them are than the projects I'm doing now.

I made this short right after finishing a very ambitious two year full color cel animated project. I wanted to make something very quick in response to the other long project. I did this one in two months, on typing paper, with ink and a blue colored pencil and I have to say it came out much better than the two year project, which is an unwatchable, incoherent mess, about Halloween, so needless to say I'll post that one next week!


"On the Front Lawn"

a film by
Dan Scanlon
1994

Real dog, or Muppet?

Carol sure is cute, but she should probably learn to chew her food like a lady, with her mouth closed.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.



"This is going over much better than the boiling hot water."




Here's the leftovers...

Don’t worry, it’s American money, it’s not worth anything.

The king likes to make it rain!




Here are last weeks nominees...




"The ratatouille is good today. I am the owner and I approve this message."
Submitted by Jean Pyle
Hawthorne, N.J.


"What's your stance on first-date sex? You have two minutes to respond."
Submitted by Frank Campanella
New York, N.Y.


"And, if you elect me, all Americans will be able to choose soup and salad!"
Submitted by Peter LaMassa
Massapequa Park, N.Y.


I entered...

"After the initial presentation there will be a short slide show out lining all of our possible sex options for tonight."

Hot Amateur Videos!

I've been inspired by my friend Steve Purcell's recent blog series "High School Confidential" which feature some of his sweetly naive, yet strangely charming early artwork, to post some of my high school / college films and videos. It's a little embarrassing how technically amateurish some of these projects are, but perhaps slightly more embarrassing, how much more creative some of them are than the projects I'm doing now.

Sometimes one must be separated from the things one truly loves, even if it's ones two hands. This film represents the good old days when short movies didn't have to be about anything. I think I truly long for those days now.

"Wood Chips"
a film by
Dan Scanlon and Tom Mader
1995

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.



"I can’t believe you’re leaving me with the kids!"





Here's the leftovers...

What got your goat!

Fine leave, but don’t come crawling back to me when you want more cheese!

Would this be a bad time to tell you that I’m thinking of getting another goat.

Are you leaving because of all the goats we have that eat all our furniture?

Oh sure, blame the goats for everything!





Here is this weeks nominees...





"Relax, she prefers dachshunds."
Submitted by Chas Kikel
Cleveland Heights, Ohio

"Let's just say it attracts a more interesting type of woman."
Submitted by Rosi Kaufman
Praire Village, Kans.

"Don't look now, but I believe your snake is strangling that dog."
Submitted by Samantha Church
Chicago, Ill.


I entered...


"He curls up at my feet at the end of each day and tries to squeeze the life out of me."

Hot Amateur Videos!

I've been inspired by my friend Steve Purcell's recent blog series "High School Confidential" which feature some of his sweetly naive, yet strangely charming early artwork, to post some of my high school / college films and videos. It's a little embarrassing how technically amateurish some of these projects are, but perhaps slightly more embarrassing, how much more creative some of them are than the projects I'm doing now.

I made this video at the Columbus College of Art and Design for an assignment called "The Chase". I could only get one friend to help me which was difficult considering it had to be a chase scene. It was made more difficult when my ONE friend injured his knee a few days before the shoot and was confined to crutches, this is what we came up with.

The Chase
Dan Scanlon
1998






My hats off to Steve Geer, who did all that falling down with a crappy knee! That's a true friend.

Vote no on 8

This is a great short PSA about California's Proposition 8, also known as the gay marriage ban, created and animated by my co-worker, the talented Adrian Molina.

Hot Amateur Videos!

I've been inspired by my friend Steve Purcell's recent blog series "High School Confidential" which feature some of his sweetly naive, yet strangely charming early artwork, to post some of my high school / college films and videos. It's a little embarrassing how technically amateurish some of these projects are, but perhaps slightly more embarrassing, how much more creative some of them are than the projects I'm doing now.

This was the pencil test for my final animation project at the Columbus College of Art and Design. It wouldn't be a college animation project, without someone losing a limb or two.


"Rocket Boy"
Dan Scanlon
1998

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.



"After the initial presentation there will be a short slide show out lining all of our possible sex options for tonight."





Here's the leftovers...

Did I mention I’m talking a public speaking class?

I’m an auctioneer, and I had to come straight from work.

Would you like our special “Dinning Alone Menu”?

Wow, picturing the audience in their underwear really isn’t making things easier in this case.



And here's this weeks nominees







"So Why did you leave Red Lobster?"*

"I guess we have a deal, but we don't have to shake on it."

"So you think you're ready for the corner tank?"


I entered...

"I’ve looked over your resume and qualification, and I’m happy to say that I’ve chosen you to be my dinner."

* My first leftover caption was...

"May I ask why you left Red Lobster?"

Guess that was the obvious one.

Dan's Found Caricature

Every now and then one finds a picture, photo, plant or mineral that looks just like one's self. This is the last of this month's found caricatures that look like me. Please let me know when you find them successful, or when you think they’re crap.

















This is Scott Adsit, he plays a producer on NBC's 30 rock, I love the show,but I have to admit he's my least favorite part of the show, mainly because he looks like me, and apparently I hate myself. We'll that's it for the September found caricatures, I hope you enjoyed them, hopefully they'll be more to come in the future!

Dan

Hot Amateur Videos!

I've been inspired by my friend Steve Purcell's recent blog series "High School Confidential" which feature some of his sweetly naive, yet strangely charming early artwork, to post some of my high school / college films and videos. It's a little embarrassing how technically amateurish some of these projects are, but perhaps slightly more embarrassing, how much more creative some of them are than the projects I'm doing now.

While most kids in Michigan where spending their 18th birthday buy cigarettes, going to Canadian strip clubs, and voting republican I spent my 18th shooting this film at and amazing local Michigan film workshop called Focal Point. Every student had one week to write, direct, and edit a short film and debut it to friends and family on the last day of the workshop. My good friends Justin Allen and Matt Cantu helped me bring to life this moving love story about an insane woodsmen and his love for a free spirited young man/woman.































"Die Fingen in Meinen Apfelsope"
a film by Dan Scanlon and Justin Allen
1994

* Update!

Wow, so this film was actually taken down by UMG for having the song "Falling in Love Again" as sung by writer William S. Burroughs . I'm actually kind of shocked, last I checked kids were cutting all sorts of crappy videos to unlicensed pop music on youtube, I thought that's what it was for. Oh well, I guess Will's drunken German version of this nearly 70 year old song is pretty popular stuff.

Hope you saw it when it was posted.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.
















"He curls up at my feet at the end of each day and tries to squeeze the life out of me."




And here's the leftovers...

We can’t have dogs in our building.

My wife’s allergic to pet hair.

We no longer have a problem with mice or capybara in our apartment.

If he bites you, you have 5 minutes to live, but at least he doesn’t bark.

It’s a really great way to pick up crazy chicks.

He loves dogs, but he just ate like two of them yesterday.




And here's this weeks New Yorker nominees...





















"The heating system is pretty old but reliable."

"I strongly recommend that you read the fine print on this one."

"The seller is extremely motivated."

I entered...

"It's a sinner's market."

Dan's Found Caricature

Every now and then one finds a picture, photo, plant or mineral that looks just like one's self. I'm going to try to post a new FOUND caricature of myself every Saturday morning for the next month. Please let me know when you find them successful, or when you think they’re crap.















This classic A & W restaurant character bares a sad and slightly fat resemblance to my current state. As a kid my Uncle owed a local A & W drive in chain located in Michigan. In it's earliest years almost every member of my family worked there at one point in their young life; my Aunts, my Uncles, even my mom worked there as a roller skating waitress serving trays of greasy food to cars full of drunk teenagers. When my brother and I were very little kids, we use get to go to the drive thru on our birthdays and my Uncle would let us order as many large root beers and foot long chili dogs as we could choke down. In the early 90's my Uncle retired and sold the restaurant, but it still holds a special place in my clogged heart.Viva La A & W!!

Baby Carol Video!

Here's a cute video of our dog Carol for no reason! This was back when she was little, but now she's like 4 pounds bigger!



The camera man was never heard from again...

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

















"I’ve looked over your resume and qualification, and I’m happy to say that I’ve chosen you to be my dinner."




and here's the leftovers...

May I ask why you left Red Lobster?

I’m sorry, but I’m having trouble reading your handwriting.

And if you'll just sign this standard anti claws clause.

I’ll be honest at this company you have to have a pretty tough skin.

So you feel you out grew you’re last position.

I’m guessing at your former job you were a pretty big fish.

I see you’re from Boston.






Let's take a look at this weeks winning nominees!





















"Can you please pass the cow?"

Let me start by welcoming you all to Narcoleptics Anonymous."

"By a 9 - 0 vote, the rest-room expansion project is approved."

and my entry was...

"I'm sorry, I guess I didn't really understand what Venti meant."

(shhh...) I also entered this under a different name...

"Before we start the meeting, I want to let everyone know that the bathroom is out of order."

It’s a Good Day to be Legally Alive

This morning I got a call from a real-estate agent letting me know that I was legal dead.

He had been checking my credit report earlier in the day in order to make sure I would make a respectable tenant for his client’s condo and in doing so discovered that, based on my social security number, I was in fact legally dead and therefore not a good tenant for his client's condo, though I beg to differ, as I am legally worth more dead than alive. Regardless the whole thing made me feel a bit uncomfortable to say the least, until my wife asked her sister, who is also a real estate agent, to run another credit check on me, and after being dead for over three hours I was relieved to find that the mistake was on their end, and that I am in fact still, technically alive!

Viva La Life!

Here’s an unrelated picture of a white trash guy with a beer, just to remind us that life is still legally worth living!

Dan's Found Caricature

Every now and then one finds a picture, photo, plant or mineral that looks just like one's self. I'm going to try to post a new FOUND caricature of myself every Saturday morning for the next month. Please let me know when you find them successful, or when you think they’re crap.

I found this post card at a local art show and immediately noticed a likeness between myself wearing my glasses and a caricature I assume was drawn of an artist named David Coffman.

This caricature was drawn for an art show in San Francisco that opened September 5th and runs through October 5th located at D - structure at 520 haight st. @ fillmore. I don't know anything about the show, but if you're in the area, check out the Duck!!! show.

Shoe Polls!

Michele has recently discovered the wonderful new polling feature on blogger, and has begun putting her life's decisions in the hands of the Internet community. Stop by her blog Batsh*tglam and cast your vote to help make decisions for her on important things like shoes, shoe related topics and on whether or not the image below is porn or not porn.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

















"It’s a sinners market."




Here's the leftovers...

I just want to warn you the home doesn’t have air conditioning.

On the upside, the school system in this neighborhood is wonderful.

I find a staged home feels more livable when there filled with the smell of baking bread and burning flesh.

Let me just check to see if the current owner is decent.

Legally I need to disclose that the reason the home is going for so cheap is that someone is going to be murdered on the property.

You stand a good chance of getting this place seeing as you come from a two soul household.

We expect this foreclosure to go quickly.

I have to be perfectly honest with you, the house has a mold issues.




And now a new feature!

Let's take a look at this weeks winning nominees!


















" Run! the kid with the little red shovel is coming back!"

"We save a bundle on suntan lotion."

"You've got that? Three bottled waters, two sodas, one coffee, and six straws."

And here's what I entered...

"Your kid is never gonna get into a good college unless he learns to finish what he starts."

None of the nominees mentioned the fact that the guy standing in the sands feet are buried. Damn you New Yorker and you're half ass contest!

See you next week!

Dan's Found Caricature

Found Caricatures are back for the month of September! Every now and then one finds a picture, photo, plant or mineral that looks just like one's self. I'm going to try to post a new FOUND caricature of myself every Saturday morning for the next month. Please let me know when you find them successful, or when you think they’re crap.
















My wife bought this mug in China town, and I couldn't help notice the resemblance of this creepy narrow headed fellow.

Top Three Addictions

What are your top three biggest addictions?

What are the three things you couldn't go on living another day without? Here are mine starting with my biggest addiction to my lesser addiction.

Number one.....

Chocolate!!!

I love Chocolate! If I could I eat it all day long I would! I'm a REAL chocoholic. NO KIDDING!

Number two.....

Tivo!!

I love Tivo! Not as much as I love Chocolate, but man I love Tivo. I have so many shows waiting for me to watch! I'm like a TV junkie and Tivo is my dealer. LOL!

Number three.....

Oxycontin!

Otherwise known as "Hillbilly Heroine". Mmmmm, it's good! I know what you're thinking, "Wait a minute, why is this number 3 on the list when it is one of the most addictive, habit forming drugs in the world?" Well, though it is a very addictive drug, the truth is I simply don't like it as much as I like chocolate and Tivo. Case in point, I use Oxycontin maybe six times in a week, but I eat a chocolate bar EVERYDAY! Sometimes TWICE!!!! And I don't even want to tell you how many hours of Tivo I watch in a day, it's just too embarrassing. Honestly, the chocolate thing is a WAY bigger problem for me. If I had to pull my teeth out in order to get chocolate I would, though it wouldn't be hard or painful for me to do thanks to the crystal methamphetamine I use casually on the weekends or at parties (number 6 on my addiction list, after unprotected sex with prostitutes and the wire season 3 on DVD!). My teeth slide out like seeds from a watermelon, (or should I say nuts from a snickers bar, mmmmmm chocolate!) regardless I'd still do whatever I had to in order to get chocolate and that is way further than I'd ever go for any drug.

So whether it's scramble on face book (my number 7 ) or drinking shampoo to get drunk (number 18), just remember it's all relative, and it's all about moderation.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I'm sorry, I guess I didn't really understand what Venti meant."



Here's the leftovers...

Does anyone see the extra small coffee I ordered?

I'm afraid we're going to be working a little late tonight.

I want to thank everyone for making it to this mornings 4 AM meeting.

The bad news is the old man didn't get all his shoes made again, so we're going to be working late.

Before we start the meeting, I want to let everyone know that the bathroom is out of order.

The deadline has been moved from next month to this afternoon, but I think we can still hit it.

I think we need to discuss what happened at the office party last night.

Five Creepy Things

Here’s a list of five things that give me the creeps. See if you agree, or add something to the list.

1. People that used to have mustaches.

I don’t have to know someone to know that they use to have a mustache. You can just tell something missing. Their naked upper lip looks like the faded square left behind on a wall where a family portrait once hung. The skin looks smooth and dangerously sensitive, like the skin underneath your toenails.


2. Muscular comedians.


You can’t look tough and be funny. Although looking tough is funny, so maybe I’m wrong. Actually almost anything other than beating the crap out of someone looks stupid when done accompanied by a bunch of muscles. Picture any of the following being done by a super ripped guy…

Knitting,
Performing extremely delicate lasik eye surgery,
Calligraphy,
Reporting the news,
Framing a picture,
Diligently recording testimony on a tiny courtroom typewriter,
Building a puppet.

3. Bald guys with beards.


I’m a bald guy myself and if I so much as forget to shave for a few days I start to look like my head is on upside down.


4. Adults you haven’t seen since they were kids.


No one enjoys running into old classmates, but for me the worst part is looking at the grotesque adult version of them and feeling guilty, like I somehow left them in the oven too long, forgot about them, and now they’re over cooked. All that’s left is an eerily familiar tiny face spread out across a swollen head. The worst part is I know they’re thinking the same thing about me.


5. Little kids kissing


Dressing them up like adults doesn’t make it better, it actually makes it worse. One person’s get well card is another person’s child pornography.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Your kid is never gonna get into a good college unless he learns to finish what he starts."


Here's the leftovers...


Do you mind buddy? You’re blocking my sun.

Please call for help, we were mugged by a group of adorable six year olds!

Do you mind? You’re standing on my crotch.

When the tide comes in, tell my wife I love her.

Where did you think Giuliani put all the homeless?

You’re really tall.

Whatever you do don’t struggle.

We nominate you to go for help.

It’s too easy, I think he wants you to try to escape so he can hunt you down.

First TRACY screening!

Yesterday evening we had our first screening of TRACY in it's near completed form to an audience of 25 friends, and I'm so happy to say that it went really well! People laughed where they were suppose to laugh, and genuinely seemed to enjoy the more sincere aspects of the film. This is a real kick in the ass to stay aggressive and finish the film by my planned target of December 2008. The next step is to address the notes from this screening and show it again in September. After that I'd really like to get it in front of a less familiar audience and see how it plays. I'm just not exactly sure how to do that.

Can't wait for all of you to see the film!

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.
"So, what do you think of the new tv?"




Here's the left overs....

The new wallpaper makes me feel so insignificant.

Oh no, I think I see a spider on the wall!

We were going to send him to his room for drawing on the walls but we decided to send him to NASA instead.

The place looks so much bigger since we knock down that wall.

"Tracy" Vintage Merchandise of the Month

Here is this month's vintage Tracy merchandise made for the film. This is an Imagination Train Station cereal box inspired by the classic 70's cereal boxes I grew up with.

Principle Photography on TRACY is a Wrap!!!!!!!!

In early May of 2003 my friend Brian Fee and I ventured out to shoot the first image for our first feature film together called TRACY. This is that photograph...

Five years later, I am SO happy, and proud to say that Wednesday night my wife Michele and I filmed the very last live action shot of principle photographer for that same film! This is that final image...

It seems impossible for me to truly appreciate every lesson learned on this film. But I'm so very proud of what Brian, Michele, Tom, Elizabeth, Adrian, Scott, Bernadette, and Alex and so many of my other very talented friends contributed to this project. In two weeks we're having our first test screening. Wish us luck!

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.



"Getting the sex change was easy, it's the shoes I can't seem to part with."


Here's the left overs...

They distract from my horrible tie.

My wife got the house and the kids, and I took what mattered to her most.

What's your size?

Grand Dog

Here's a painting of my dog Carol I did for my mom a few months ago.