this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Can you hear me now?"








Here's the leftovers...


Hold on, I'm going under a black hole.

Hey go outside and look at the moon right now.

We never do anything where I live.

Houston we have a boner.








Here's this week's nominees...



"Call security and tell them to circle the wagons!"
Submitted by Shirley Quick
Wichita, Kans.

"Looks like I'm going to have to cancel my High Noon."
Submitted by Dan Walker
Oregon, Wis.

"Quick, give them a casino."
Submitted by Deron Grabel
Naugatuck, Conn.

I entered...

"Gary's back, and he's shooting up the Halloween party!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Is that one of them newfangled horse-less,carriage-less,carriages?"





Here are the leftovers...

Careful, there's horse thieves around here.

Your horse needs to get back in the saddle again.







Here's this weeks nominees...




"He's been sitting there since the French Revolution."
Submitted by Mark Hersh
Chicago, Ill.

"Makes you want to think twice before donating body parts."
Submitted by Stephen Rangen
Los Angeles, Calif.

"So they have empty suits up here, too."
Submitted by Larry Rafferty
Kensington, Calif.

I entered...

"They don’t tell you what else happens when a bell rings."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Gary's back, and he's shooting up the Halloween party!"




Here's the leftovers...

I'm sorry, you just missed him.

Could you please hold all my close calls.

Turns out it isn't better to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!








Here's this nominees...



"This may burn a little."
Submitted by Paul Wehling
Minneapolis, Minn.

"I'm beginning to see what you mean."
Submitted by Lucinda Olmstead
Loudonville, N.Y.

"Now, if you wouldn't mind holding on to this while I get the thermometer."
Submitted by Catherine Cameron
Fallbrook, Calif.

I entered...

"Is this lens better or worse?"

MacLon Industries

I spent last weekend in Vegas for my cousin Brian's bachelor party. We dressed up like mid-western salesmen representing a fictional company called MacLon Industries, a combination of both cousins last names MacLean and Scanlon.

I grew a mustache and looked 5 years older, 15 pounds heavier and 20 times more religious.


Here I am on the first night party at Margarettaville. Don't want to go too crazy, we've got a big sales presentation in the morning, not to mention the big convention!


The next day my brother and fellow sales rep for Maclon Inc. and I ate a "Burger King" to get our energy up and then hit the strip.


After the presentation we rewarded the crew with cocktails and sun bathing by the pool.

Here I am networking with some real "out of the box" thinking young salesmen. "I'm sold!"

Met up with the rest of the Maclon Inc. crew later that afternoon. Hide your wallets, this sales crew is on the prowl, and they won't take wholesale for an answer!


Oh snap! This party just got turn up a notch!

Oops, we missed the convection by 6 hours, but we made some real relevant connections. Time to go home and watch "Ocean's 11" on TNT's "Movies for Guys", eat a "Wendy's" and fall asleep in the bathtub!


Maclon Industries - "If you're in business, we're in business."

Tracy Screening in Burbank!

Our first feature film, "Tracy" is screening Sunday September 12th at 10:30 AM at AMC Burbank Town Center 6, Burbank, CA.

You can buy tickets by clicking here!

If you live in the area and are interested in seeing the film this may be the last chance for quite awhile to see it. To watch the trailer for "Tracy" click here!

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"They don’t tell you what else happens when a bell rings."





Here are the leftovers...



Having impure thoughts is a sin

I’m going to go get Ted Williams autograph.




Here's this weeks Nominees...




"I'm only here for the summer."
Submitted by John Levesque
Seattle, Wash.

"Do you have any previous whistle-blowing experience?"
Submitted by Sara Kallstrom
Durand, Wis.

"Pack your things, Benson, adult swim is over."
Submitted by Eric Pegnam
Medford, Mass.

I entered...

"It's hard to believe my career started as a summer job."

The Cagennection

The Internet is a Monopoly!

Welcome to the planet's first alternative to the world wide web... Enter.."The Cagennection"!

"The Cagennection" is just as awesome as the "The Internet", but with none of the commercial advertisements, or intellectual properties!

Unlike the internet we don't allow piracy, or copyright infringement! That's right, we only accept 100% public domain music, photos, and written content! Not convinced to switch from the internet to the cage for your online needs? Well here's a taste of what you'll finding "Touring" the "Cage" at this very moment...







Imagine printing out these dynamic images as you download "Mary's a Grand Old Name" on to your itouch, while scrolling through Frank Preston Stearns: Cambridge Sketches!!! The Cage can make it happen!

But that's not all, we also don't allow slander! "The Cage" makes sure that all written criticism, comments, or posts are verified as fact before being published. Oh, and there is no pornography!!!

But enough talk, if you truly want to experience the future of computerized information collection, then be the first to "Engage with the Cage". Hold on to your seats, forget the past, look to the future, ready? SET, ENGAGE THE CAGE!!!!! and click HERE!!!!!

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Is this lens better or worse?"





Here are the leftovers...

I’m afraid you only have 325 months to live.

It’s going to be malignant.

Oh yeah, there are tiny insects crawling all over your face.





Here are this weeks nominees...





"This is moving too fast for me."
Submitted by Augusta Meill
Jamaica Plain, Mass.

"Would it kill you to ask for directions?"
Submitted by Joel Allen
New York, N.Y.

"Not tonight, Harry, I'm carsick."
Submitted by Suzy Stayman
Wellesley, Mass.


I entered...
"I guess it’s technically a hybrid."

Mad Women

Michele entered the Banana Republic Casting Call Contest to get a walk on role on season 5 of the AMC show "Mad Men". She was rejected based on the photo below.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"It's hard to believe my career started as a summer job."







Here are the leftovers...



Have you considered buy lifeguard insurance?

I accidentally grabbed my son’s work chair today.

You need to wait a half hour after eating before groveling.

Notice there’s no “P” in my office pool.




Here's this weeks nominees...




"Personally, I think Prozac is a lot easier."
Submitted by Ken Hunt
Bloomsburg, Pa.

"The monkeys themselves should come in three to six weeks."
Submitted by Benjamin Nyberg
Los Angeles, Calif.

"They'd probably be more fun if the barrel had air holes."
Submitted by Andrew Steiner
Bend, Ore.

I entered...
"Not as much fun when you don’t poke holes in the barrel."

Tracy Screening in L.A. Date Change

"Tracy" got into the Burbank International Film Festival... but the festival has been pushed back to September.

I'll post the date and venue as soon as I hear!


Dan

this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I guess it’s technically a hybrid."







Here are the leftovers...


You’re obviously under compensating for something.

No I don’t want to put the top up.

I don’t feel comfortable doing this at your parent’s house.

This sports car really does make you seem younger.

We should talk about what furniture is coming to the new house.


Here are this weeks nominees...



"And this is our new incentive plan."
Submitted by Milton Sturm
New City, N.Y.

"Or we go to Plan B and slip something in his coffee."
Submitted by Bill Stone
Stanford, Calif.

"Your father's last wish was for you to succeed him as chairman."
Submitted by George Wickham
Richmond, Va.


I entered...
"It sends fifty thousand volts of synergy through the body."

I'm On Twitter...Sadly this Time it's for Real

Hey, I'm on Twitter!

So far I've Tweeted just about nothing! If you want to read what the real me has to say click @mrdanscanlon! Chances are you'll be directed to a link that sends you back to this blog. Enjoy!

Dan

Store Names

I love stores with silly pun names! But they’re not just limited to hair salons, dog watchers, and gay bars anymore. Here are some crappy pun names for fictional store we’d love to invest in...


1. A waxing salon specializing in private areas called…“Not a Hair in the World”


2. A comedy themed hair salon called….“Hair-De-Hair-Hair”



3. A South Pacific clothing wrap store called…“Sarong, So Right”



4. A store specializing in Indian clothing called…“Me so Sari”



5. … and the Canadian outlet …“Me so Sori”



6. A dog watching business called…“Who Made Sure the Dogs Didn’t Get Let Out?”



7. A shoe store for ladies with extra large feet called….“Shoes by the Foot”



8. An upscale tranny bar called…“Ladies and Gentlemen”



9. A store for dead-beat Dads to buy gifts for their off-spring called… “Create and Bail”



10. A cheap Greek restaurant for European tourists called… “Gyro Trash”

this Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Not as much fun when you don’t poke holes in the barrel."






Here are the left overs...


I also have a whole kit and kaboodle in the truck.





Here are this week's nominees...



"Throw us a doughnut!"
Submitted by William Rodarmor
Berkeley, Calif.

"We'll never get to sleep tonight."
Submitted by J. Hopkins
Duxbury, Mass.

"Abandon cup!"
Submitted by Dan Beckerman
Fogelsville, Pa.

I entered...

“Day seven drinking the Ultra latte, Michael and Peter are dead; but we move on.”

This week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"It sends fifty thousand volts of synergy through the body."











Here are the leftovers...




What would you like to discuss for your last meeting?

Bring in the next applicant.

Congratulations, you got a promotion.

We call it the Exec-utioner.










Here's this weeks nominees...




"I feel a vibration. Can you call my cell phone again?"
Submitted by Chris Sonne
Huntington Beach, Calif.

"These executive desk toys are becoming a nuisance."
Submitted by Robert Malina
Los Angeles, Calif.

"Cancel my lunch date and get me a six-foot baguette."
Submitted by Paul Samra
Brooklyn, N.Y.

I entered...

"Bad news is he ate my computer, good news is I found the "home row" keys."

Tracy Screening in L.A.!

Good news, "Tracy" got into the Burbank International Film Festival...

...bad news, I don't know when or where it's screening yet. The festival runs from July 31st to August 7th, but they haven't posted any dates yet.

I'll post the date and venue as soon as I hear!


Dan

The New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

“Day seven drinking the Ultra latte, Michael and Peter are dead; but we move on.”



Here are the left overs...

“Biscotti Ho!”

“I ordered a medium!”

“Is this your largest size?”

“Can I get a to-go lid?”

“I meant “Grande”! I really need to brush up on my Spanish!”




Here are this week's nominees...



"That was the wakeup call from Hell."
Submitted by Helen Harrison
Sag Harbor, N.Y.

"Terrormarketer."
Submitted by Christopher Butler
Los Angeles, Calif.

"I think the collection agency is getting serious."
Submitted by Joe Walters
Charleston, S.C.

I entered...
"We never should have gotten caller IED."

Dog Toy Painting Series (Guest Artist Carol Painting)

Here's another great Carol drawing! This one was done by guest artist Kelsey Mann. This awesome/disturbing drawing of Carol was done as a Birthday card for my 34th Birthday this Monday. Check out more of Kelsey's work here.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

"Bad news is he ate my computer, good news is I found the "home row" keys."









This was a very busy week, so my New Yorker entry came in a little late. Better luck next week!


Here's the leftovers...

I'm a "liti-gator", get it?

Close the door quietly I just put him to sleep.

I need you to keep rubbing counter clockwise while I run to the bathroom.

I'm having lunch at my desk today...What? No, I didn't mean I was going to eat this alligator! Karen, you know I'm vegan. I meant I want the caprese salad from "T.J. Hoopers" brought to my desk, hold the mozzarella. Jesus, you know I love this alligator! I'm sorry, it's just that I work so hard all day, and I have one half hour to myself and I chose to spend it rubbing an elderly alligator's tummy, and this kind of stuff, just makes me feel like I have to explain myself to you and everyone. All I ask is one half hour a day to myself, out of an 8 sometimes 10 hour day! I'm sorry that I can't give more to this company! I'm sorry Karen it's not your fault, I'm just tired. I'm tired, and I can't believe Dan is doing this same bit again. Just because he didn't have time to come up with a funny captions he thinks he can do another rambling one. It's just lazy. He's been doing these captions for over a year, and I just hope that he's not going to do one rambling caption every week now and think that that is cleaver, because it's just not, it's cynical, and frankly unoriginal! There's already a guy who does joke New Yorker Caption Contest entries here. I hate this kind of thing. Again, so cynical, such a bullshit cop out. Why can't people just try to be actually funny, instead of being sarcastic? I'll tell you why, because it's easy to be sarcastic. I hate this kind of humor. Look Scanlon, either take the time to write some actual funny captions, or stop entering all together! It's been over a year and you haven't been nominated, so maybe it's time to call it quits. He's just phoning in a crock of shit for the last few months! He's just dialing in a crock. He's a Crock O Dial! Get it! YEAHHH!!!! He's back!






This weeks nominees...






“I hate the way corporate thinking has taken over surfing, man.”
Submitted by Rob Chafin
Amarillo, Texas

“Now you're embarrassing me, Dad.”
Submitted by Nigel Arscott
El Cerrito, Calif.

“Sharks are biting on gabardine today. Polyester should be O.K.”
Submitted by David McElwain
Boise, Idaho

I entered...

"How do I know you're not a cop?"