This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"So glad we were upgraded from 'Standby' to 'Cling To.' "


Here are the leftovers...

This is the safest seat Southwest has at the moment.

First class use to mean something.




Here are this week's nominees...



"The governor would like your help with the budget."
Submitted by Katie Scheir
Los Angeles, Calif.
"After they're shredded, I want them burned at the stake."
Submitted by Frank Sargent
Carlisle, Mass.
"They're saying the book is dead. I'd like to be sure."
Submitted by Gavin Powers
New York, N.Y.

I entered...
"Could you take the headers off these?"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I was trying to get away from the guy on the skis."




Here's the leftovers...

I'm a little lost.

Have you been following me since the lake?

I'm in international waters.


Here's this week's nominees...



"Relax. The DVR is set. You can catch the game tomorrow."
Submitted by Mary Troy
Goshen, N.Y.

"I don't want you to be the one that got away."
Submitted by Robert MacGougan
Toronto, Ont.

"I don't want to creep you out or anything, but I'm your biggest fan."
Submitted by William Bendix
Vancouver, B.C.

I entered...
"You've got a little spaghetti on your shirt."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"I think it's time to give up on reverse psychology."



Here's the leftovers...

How about the kids sit in the back after the next stop?






Here's this week's nominees...






"I have to say, I'm not a big fan of cloud computing."
Submitted by Ben Hahn
Somerville, Mass.

"I'll be there in ten thousand feet."
Submitted by Vanessa Southern
Maplewood, N.J.

"I guess you could call me an adventure capitalist."
Submitted by Matthew Collins
Cincinnati, Ohio

I entered...

"I'm trying to catch another flight right now."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Is that one of them newfangled horse-less,carriage-less,carriages?"





Here are the leftovers...

Careful, there's horse thieves around here.

Your horse needs to get back in the saddle again.







Here's this weeks nominees...




"He's been sitting there since the French Revolution."
Submitted by Mark Hersh
Chicago, Ill.

"Makes you want to think twice before donating body parts."
Submitted by Stephen Rangen
Los Angeles, Calif.

"So they have empty suits up here, too."
Submitted by Larry Rafferty
Kensington, Calif.

I entered...

"They don’t tell you what else happens when a bell rings."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"They don’t tell you what else happens when a bell rings."





Here are the leftovers...



Having impure thoughts is a sin

I’m going to go get Ted Williams autograph.




Here's this weeks Nominees...




"I'm only here for the summer."
Submitted by John Levesque
Seattle, Wash.

"Do you have any previous whistle-blowing experience?"
Submitted by Sara Kallstrom
Durand, Wis.

"Pack your things, Benson, adult swim is over."
Submitted by Eric Pegnam
Medford, Mass.

I entered...

"It's hard to believe my career started as a summer job."

This Weeks New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"We never should have gotten caller IED."









Here's the leftovers...


It's your mom.

It's still safer than a cel phone.

I picked up the land mine, instead of the land line. Get it? ...No? Look I'm just trying to have fun with a tragic situation. Yes, I'm up set too! I'm the victim here, the god damn phone blew up in my ear! I don't know why! I'm just trying to keep from freaking out by adding some humor into a confusing, and threatening situation! Oh my god! What the hell is happening?! I think I'm in shock! Oh my god! Who would do this to us?! I think I'm going to throw up! There goes the fire alarm! Call the police! Oh god we can't the phones blown up. Oh my god! I AM going to throw up! Would you please get out of bed?! This isn't happening! Oh God! Oh God! Okay, I am breathing, stop yelling at me. Okay, okay, okay, okay...okay... okay...okay...okay...okay. I'm okay. What? What? I can't hear, all I hear is ringing?! OH MY GOD, RYAN DID THIS! I know it! It's Ryan from work! He said that weird thing to me last week. I told you I wasn't comfortable firing someone! Oh my god! I knew he was dangerous! We have to get out of here! Get your things, we have to get out of here. It's not safe here! I'll get the cat, you get the cel phone and the earthquake kit, and we'll go to your mothers. DON'T TURN THE LIGHTS ON! DO NOT TURN THE LIGHTS ON! DO NOT! He might be... someone might be watching us! STOP YELLING! you're not helping! Don't stand up! Crawl! Follow me...

...Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? This is serious! What? What? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I hate you! Oh my god, I hate you! Unbelievable! unbelievable. Where's Ashton?













Here's this weeks nominees...





"An optimist would see sushi."
Submitted by Leo McCue
Haverhill, Mass.

"Really, voting him off the island was enough."
Submitted by Steve Stein
Larkspur, Calif.

"Let’s ask him to stay for dinner."
Submitted by John Rappel
Chicago, Ill.


I entered...

"Careful, he already ate my favorite book, and my favorite album!"

This Weeks New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Please tell me these shorts are still admissible."








Here's the leftovers...


My I remind you you’re under oath, and under dressed.

Place your right hand on these gross shorts and repeat after me.



Here's this weeks nominees...




"He won't last long."
Submitted by Andrew Seward
Frederick, Md.

"Monday mornings you want to strangle him."
Submitted by Tom Frenkel
Sunnyside, N.Y.

"Baxter's our idea man."
Submitted by David Ewbank
Kent, Ohio

I entered...

"The conference room needs "extra seats", not ecstasy!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"If only there was a way to pause this so I could go to the bathroom."




Here's the leftovers...


Looks like there’s a use for this “fire” after all.

Now if we can just figure out how to turn fire into porn.

The news is too flashy these days.

I’ve seen this one.

Thank you, we’ll have our people capture your people.





Here's this weeks nominees...





“Dr. Ogden just called to say your mercury levels are on the high side.”
Submitted by Carol Burnham
Belvedere, Calif.

“Did you put 3,250 pounds of 'fresh mackerel' on my credit card?”
Submitted by Les Rubin
Floral Park, N.Y.

“Those buckets of fish heads aren't going to take themselves out.”
Submitted by Meredith Tyminski
Scottsdale, Ariz.

I entered...
"I don’t care if you are a walrus, start acting like a manatee!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Number 3 please perform a Petit jete followed by a Fouette en tournant and say, “Give me your wallet or I’ll knock out your teeth."



Here are the leftovers...


Do you know which one of the suspects waltz out of the store with your money?

Mrs. Harding would you please step forward.










Here are this weeks nominees...






“You the Ponzi varmint that lost our nest egg?”
Submitted by Annette Gasparon
Secane, Pa.

“Sorry, buddy, but we've got the room for the next hour.”
Submitted by Joseph Gibson
Winter Haven, Fla.

“Is this a bad time to talk about refinancing our loan?”
Submitted by Twyman Towery
Mount Juliet, Tenn.

I entered...

"I guess donkey burgers are an acquired taste."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Good news! I won your skin back."



Here are the leftovers...

At least they didn't steal the radio.

God, how long have I been in there?

Let's meet up with the other three cowboys of the Apocalypse.

They got to get clocks in that saloon.








Here's this weeks nominees...




“Your availability comes off as desperation.”
Submitted by Shivonna Randazzo
Brooklyn, N.Y.

“You don't need to whisper—they're made of wax.”
Submitted by Sean Farrell
Los Angeles, Calif.

“What makes you think we found your cat story boring?”
Submitted by Lynn Tudor
New York, N.Y.

I entered...

"Would you like to tweet a prayer?"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"You should schedule an abduction at least once a year."




Here's the leftovers...



It’s kind of the go-to Halloween costume for us proctologists.

Don’t worry my people train for this our whole lives.

I lost a silver space probe, would you mind getting up? You might be sitting on it.

I find the mask helps break the ice for what’s about to happen.

We’re gonna run a few test, then leave you naked and shivering along a country road.

What did you think universal health care was?






Here's this weeks nominees...



“I say we start the meeting without him.”
Submitted by Mark Templeman
Richmond, Va.

"I'm here to fix the coffee machine."
Submitted by Elana Klein
Brooklyn, N.Y.

"You're right. We'll need a second stimulus plan."
Submitted by Michael Harrington
Seattle, Wash.

I entered...

I'm afraid your weekend is still experiencing delays.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"We were bought by Hooters Airlines."









Here's the Leftovers...


You have a run in your landing gear.

Touch Down!

It's Casual Friday.

It's Sexual Fetish Friday.






Here's this week's nominees...





"I liked my old spin class better."
Submitted by Hal Mason
Wellesley, Mass.

"We're graduate students doing a study on lost socks."
Submitted by David Block
El Cerrito, Calif.

"Be careful, these machines are self-loading."
Submitted by Jerome O'Brien
Springfield, Va.


I entered...

"This is the only way to keep perverts from stealing our underwear."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


I'm afraid your weekend is still experiencing delays.












Here are the left overs...



I’m prepared to offer you 25 cents and a bottle of Night Train for the entire company.

Maybe you should call the gas company.

I don’t think you’re employees are filling out their time cards honestly.

I guess the entire company couldn’t live off your salary.

I suppose we should have fired some people when we downsized.

I'm sorry, but anti-depressants are not covered under your company's health care plan.










Here's this weeks nominees...





"I feel like seafood tonight."
Submitted by Mike Sellers
Newtown, Pa.

“I don't want to hear again about the one that got away.”
Submitted by Jo Minow
Chicago, Ill.

“And what does she have that I don't?”
Submitted by Christo Phillips
Brooklyn, N.Y.

I entered...

"Well maybe you should get a fish penis. Did you ever think of that?"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Well maybe you should get a fish penis. Did you ever think of that?"







Here's the left overs...

You never want to do anything with my friends.

We never burst into song anymore.

I think people are catching on to our green card marriage.










Here's this weeks nominees...





“So, for the record, are you a duck or a rabbit?”
Submitted by Anne Murphy
Ann Arbor, Mich.

"Yes, Mr. Rabbit also needs to quit drinking."
Submitted by Terry Keshner
Forest Park, Ill.

"Avoid direct sunlight."
Submitted by Emily Wurtz
Chevy Chase, Md.

I entered...

"Get plenty of rest and stay out of the sun."

I was close again...

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Where did you say you got those mushrooms for the portobello salad?"








Here are the leftovers...



The chef studied on a reality television show.

This is what happens when the microwave breaks.

Finally things are calming down from the lunch rush.


Here's this week's nominees...



"Well, where did you think baby grands came from?"
Submitted by Sara Willis
Blue Hill, Me.

"We buy everything in bulk."
Submitted by William D. Thomas
Silver Spring, Md.

"I don't play. I just really hate elephants."
Submitted by Rich Powell
Indianapolis, Ind.


I entered...

"I’m taking piano lessons, so far I’ve made about eight."

This Weeks New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Get plenty of rest and stay out of the sun."







Here are the leftovers...


I think you might have the bunny flu.

You're dying of arthritis.

Is that a rabbit in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Stop projecting your problems.

This isn't what I meant when I said you could shadow me.












Here are this weeks nominees...



"So you're the infamous Sudsy Malone."
Submitted by Dave Barber
Columbus, Ohio

"Couldn't you just have a last-meal request like everyone else?"
Submitted by William Babula
Santa Rosa, Calif.

"It says Martha Stewart once lived here."
Submitted by Laurence Lytton.
New York, N.Y.


I entered...

"Thanks for lending me Martha Steward’s Prison Living book."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I’m taking piano lessons, so far I’ve made about eight."






Here are the left overs...


We call this the violin room, though I’m not sure why.

This is the grand room.

You can leave your piano here, and your coat in the bedroom.

They’re good for covering all the bong water stains.







Here are this weeks nominees...





"My wife won't let me put one in the back yard."
Submitted by Claude Lempereur
Levittown, N.Y.

"Don't worry, I ate lunch more than an hour ago."
Submitted by Michael Cianfrani
San Francisco, Calif.

"Make yourself useful—fake some Russian and hold up a 9.9."
Submitted by Christopher Rulff
St. Paul, Minn.


I entered...

"I had to bring in some of the fun I didn’t get to over the weekend."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"And in these two corners…"




Here are the leftovers...


And fighting in the ‘Butt Load of Steroids’ division…

We have the Lone Star Leg’s verses the Tennessee Gams…

Weighing in at a suspicious 235 pounds…











Here are this weeks nominees...






"It needs a feisty female detective."
Submitted by Lee Neville
Niagara Falls, N.Y.

"They ignored your first ten. What makes you think you'll do any better with these?"
Submitted by Bob Silverstein
Scarsdale, N.Y.

"Dear ... diary ... She's ... finally ... asleep.... Oops."
Submitted by William DiDio
White Plains, N.Y.


I entered...


"Number seven across is adultery."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I don’t feel you’re giving your whole self to this job."








Here's the left overs...

I’m afraid we’re going to have to find a new head of sales.

Please, sit down.

Sorry, workmans comp doesn’t cover this.

It’s still not appropriate to say “ I want your body” to a fellow employee.

You said you had plenty of experience pouring cement counter tops.








Here's this weeks nominees...





"I think this can all be traced back to my mother ship."
Submitted by Patrick Kelsey
Manheim, Pa.

"Can we do therapy for just five more minutes? Please? Please?"
Submitted by Carolyn Smaka
Cranford, N.J.

"What do you mean time's up? I just put another quarter in."
Submitted by Annette Gasparon
Secane, Pa.

I entered...
"I think I may be getting to old for a child psychiatrist."

This Week's New Yorker Caption ContestI

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Spare some ice?"






Here's the leftovers....

Want some change?

I just need a dollar ninety-five to get me to Hawaii.

Help me out? I’m on unpaid vacation.

I just need twenty-three cents and I’ll be rich again.

You’re going to have to take your change back I’m on vacation.

I’m working from home today.

Looks like we’re both working this weekend.





And here's this weeks nominees...




“This would work out a lot better if we had kids.”
Submitted by Michael Fossel
Hartford, Conn.

“American car companies just can't make a decent hybrid.”
Submitted by Eric Prestemon
Sunnyvale, Calif.

“You know, everyone laughed at Noah, too.”
Submitted by Rachel Pleasant Chambliss
Lakeland, Fla.

I entered...

"This is the last time I valet for an environmentalist conference."