New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"All the cool nightclubs don't have signs."

Leftovers...

Look, American Idol Auditions.

Nominees...

"You call that pushing?"

Submitted by Curtis Williams, 

Los Angeles, Calif.

"It gets easier the second time.

"Submitted by Thomas Stimpson, 

Brooklyn, N.Y.

"Just lean in."

Submitted by Michael Leibman, 

Washington, D.C.

I entered...

"When you're done with that I need you to mow the lawn."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Don't worry, it's a common side effect of being dead."

Leftovers...


You're what we call "Skinny Fat".

You've lost weight and gotten taller!






Nominees...

"I wouldn't say 'favorite' animal."
Submitted by David Karlsruher, 

Arlington, Va.

"Mistakes were made."
Submitted by Mary Newell, 

Gainesville, Fla.

"I have trouble saying no."
Submitted by Isaac Cravit, 

Toronto, Ont.
 

I entered...

"You've never supported 'Giraffe Planet'!"

The New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"When you're done with that I need you to mow the lawn."

Leftovers...

I think your diaper needs changing.

You should try Pilates?



Nominees...

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

Submitted by Lawrence Wood, 

Chicago, Ill.

"I come here to brood."

Submitted by Don Symons, 

Santa Barbara, Calif.

"After the kids moved out, the tree house was just too big."

Submitted by Richard Hine, 

New York, N.Y.

I entered...

"With the kids gone, I think it's time we move to a statue's armpit in the city."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"You've never supported 'Giraffe Planet'!"

Leftovers

Do you think I brought enough giraffes?

The worst part is I think they're all guys.

No, I also brought some of those little spiders too!

Show's what you know, they're actually several different types of giraffe!

Well next time I'll build the boat and you can pick the animals!

Well excuse me, I like giraffe meat!




Nominees...

"I'm rebranding."

Submitted by John Meggitt, 

San Francisco, Calif.

"Aye, there'll be baskets of treasure for us upon Easter Island."

Submitted by Bucknell Webb, 

Ossining, N.Y.

"He's a temp."

Submitted by Kim F. Bertucci, 

Gretna, La.

I entered...

"The poops just roll right off."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"With the kids gone, I think it's time we move to a statue's armpit in the city."

Leftovers...

Can't we have something other than eggs?

Made this nest out of old People magazines.

When you're done with the newspaper, I want to line the floor with it.

I sent a care package filled with regurgitated worms.

Maybe it's time we consider renting a smaller nest in the city.

Not so sure it's "Empty Nest Syndrome" we might just be insane. 

Nominees...

"He's been on that same story for hours. I'm beginning to think he can't read."

Submitted by Matt Mutshnick, 

Scarborough, Ont.

"We're gonna need a bigger cat."

Submitted by Jeff Burd, 

Gurnee, Ill.

"Did you just order a hundred cheese pizzas?"

Submitted by Jack Shakely, 

Rancho Mirage, Calif.

I entered...

"It's for him."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"The poops just roll right off."

Nominees...

"Treat me like the White House."
Submitted by Mark Glassman, New York, N.Y.

"Majority Whip tonight?"

Submitted by Paul Franz, Cincinnati, Ohio

"You were filibustering in your sleep again."
Submitted by Nathan Blomgren, Corte Madera, Calif.

I entered...

"No one knows how to screw people quite like you."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"It's for him."

Leftovers...

They're sending a giant cat.

Nominees...

"Easy for you to say—you're cured!"
Submitted by Brendan Clark, Los Angeles, Calif.

"I'm always done in three minutes."
Submitted by Mark Paladini, Virginia Beach, Va.

"I always wake up dreading the morning."
Submitted by David Trumbo, Studio City, Calif

I entered...

"I no longer see everyone as cigarettes."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"No one knows how to screw people quite like you."

Leftovers...

I only dated the Washington Monument for a short time.






Nominees... 

"He's done."Submitted by Mary McCarty, 
Galveston, Texas

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."Submitted by Geoffrey Morrison, 
Surrey, B.C.

"Cholesterol, shlemesterol, André loved to say."Submitted by Chris O'Connell,
Henderson, Nev.

I entered...

"For dessert we'll be having the upper half."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"I no longer see everyone as cigarettes."

Leftovers...

You're the first therapist who truly understands my problems.

I feel like I've known you my whole life.







Nominees...

"I was wrong. This meeting is still boring."
Submitted by Jennifer Chapman, 
Wheaton, Ill.

"The back of my head is up here, Tom."
Submitted by Dan Karmel, 
New York, N.Y.

"Remember, we present to the emperor tomorrow at eleven."
Submitted by Mary Gregg, 
Bala Cynwyd, Pa.

I entered...

"On second thought, let's go back to thinking inside the box."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"For dessert we'll be having the upper half."

Leftovers...

Don't worry, that smell is the cheese.

That concludes tonights dinner theater mystery.

Now you all have a little piece of him inside you.

My condolences to the chef. 

Nominees...

"Backstabbing was already prevalent—we just added a twist."

Submitted by Ron Scheff, 

New York, N.Y.

"Be careful not to overwind—it can cost us overtime."

Submitted by Robert Clark, 

Crystal River, Fla.

"And Bob, here, came to us from a jewelry box."

Submitted by Mary Lorenz, 

Chicago, Ill.

I entered...

"They’re diligent but all they do is email each other cat videos."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"On second thought, let's go back to thinking inside the box."

Leftovers...

Lastly, I want to talk about Casual Friday's.





Nominees...

"Six rounds. Nine lives. You do the math."
Submitted by Tom Leonard, 

Berkeley, Calif. 

"Calm down—I just came to get my things."
Submitted by Amy Crossfield, 

Brooklyn   

"Consider the effect of recoil."
Submitted by Richard B. Peterson, 

Monterey, Calif.

I entered...

"I hope that gun holds more than nine bullets."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"They’re diligent but all they do is email each other cat videos."

Leftovers...

We’re replacing them with younger digital models.

The real savings is on coffee.

When they wind down it looks like Jonestown around here.

This Week's Nominees...

"You both know Jane."
Submitted by Diane Meagh, 

Atlanta, Ga.

"You two have a lot in common: ninety-eight per cent of your DNA and you're both in accounting."
Submitted by Kurt Grevstad, 

Seattle, Wash.

"Harry, Hairy. Hairy, Harry."
Submitted by Chuck Wahrhaftig, 

New York City

I entered...

 "Garry works in our conspiracy department."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"I hope that gun holds more than nine bullets."

Leftovers...

If you shot me, you're going to have to drag me into that hole.

I don't care about squatters rights.




Nominees...

"Damn, I loved that giraffe."

Submitted by Robert J. Robinson,

Kailua, Hawaii   

"It's my extended family."

Submitted by Woody Igou,

Winter Park, Fla.   

"I love her. And she can dunk."

Submitted by Peter M. Smith,

Kitchener, Ont.

I entered...

"Can you believe the hair I had in the Eighties?"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

 "Garry works in our conspiracy department."

Leftovers...

 You know Don's a bit of a legend himself in the Sales department.

You two seem to have a lot in common.

Maybe we should have waited to have the wake on November 1st.



This week's nominees...

"You're always cold!"
Submitted by Theresa Ricotta,
Cross River   

"We have to turn back. I forgot my scarf."
Submitted by Candice J. Linn,
Lakewood, Calif.

"Loosen up Ann. I'm not running for President anymore."
Submitted by Dennis Charles Roberts,
Los Angeles, Calif.

I entered...  
"Real bikers don't wear helmets!"

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Can you believe the hair I had in the Eighties?"

Leftovers...

This is my extended family.

This is my nephew with the basketball scholarship.

Why is there a portrait of Hillary Swank on my desk?

It's an artist's rendition of Milton Berle's penis.




This Week's Nominees...

We'll eventually miss him.
Submitted by Robert A. Rubenfeld,
New York

He never could commit.
Submitted by Carol Sullivan,
Kingston

He had great health insurance.
Submitted by Alan Wiles, 
Silver Creek

I entered...
"Something, something, something, Obama Care, something, something."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

 "Real bikers don't wear helmets!"

The leftovers...

You can't just run out on me in the middle of an argument!

Do you know how to get to Folsom street?

It's illegal to drive with a broken tail light!




This week's nominees...

"He'll be back."
Submitted by Jeffrey C. Kohl, 
Bloomington, Ill.   

"Bad chair day."
Submitted by David Lake,
Washington, D.C.   

"That startles me every time it happens."
Submitted by Michael Goode, 
Canton, N.C.
I entered...
"No more Sweeney Todd soundtrack for you."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Something, something, something, Obama Care, something, something."

Here's the leftovers...

It's only temporary until a room opens up in the hospital.

He looks so spiteful.






This week's nominees...

"I smell a horse."
Submitted by Tom Werts, 
New York, N.Y.

"I hope Harry don't crack. The cops are riding him pretty hard."
Submitted by J. Michael Douglas, 
Houston, Texas

"Because PETA said we can't whack him."
Submitted by Lee Neville, 
Niagara Falls, N.Y.

I entered...
"This is a job for Jimmy Two Thumbs, Pauly Sideburns, and Tommy Horse Cop."

This Week's New Yorker

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"No more Sweeney Todd soundtrack for you."

Here are the leftovers...

Online barber school huh Chuck?

He said a "LITTLE" off the top.
Well, he asked for a flat top.

This week's nominations...

"You don't say!"

Submitted by Jon Frye, 

Evanston, Ill.

"Stop me if you've heard this one.

"Submitted by William Rodarmor, 

Berkeley, Calif.

"You're cut out for this job.

"Submitted by Nael Alami, 

Memphis, Tenn.

I entered...

"Anyone ever tell you you look like the Marlboro man?"