New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"The poops just roll right off."

Nominees...

"Treat me like the White House."
Submitted by Mark Glassman, New York, N.Y.

"Majority Whip tonight?"

Submitted by Paul Franz, Cincinnati, Ohio

"You were filibustering in your sleep again."
Submitted by Nathan Blomgren, Corte Madera, Calif.

I entered...

"No one knows how to screw people quite like you."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"It's for him."

Leftovers...

They're sending a giant cat.

Nominees...

"Easy for you to say—you're cured!"
Submitted by Brendan Clark, Los Angeles, Calif.

"I'm always done in three minutes."
Submitted by Mark Paladini, Virginia Beach, Va.

"I always wake up dreading the morning."
Submitted by David Trumbo, Studio City, Calif

I entered...

"I no longer see everyone as cigarettes."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"No one knows how to screw people quite like you."

Leftovers...

I only dated the Washington Monument for a short time.






Nominees... 

"He's done."Submitted by Mary McCarty, 
Galveston, Texas

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."Submitted by Geoffrey Morrison, 
Surrey, B.C.

"Cholesterol, shlemesterol, André loved to say."Submitted by Chris O'Connell,
Henderson, Nev.

I entered...

"For dessert we'll be having the upper half."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"I no longer see everyone as cigarettes."

Leftovers...

You're the first therapist who truly understands my problems.

I feel like I've known you my whole life.







Nominees...

"I was wrong. This meeting is still boring."
Submitted by Jennifer Chapman, 
Wheaton, Ill.

"The back of my head is up here, Tom."
Submitted by Dan Karmel, 
New York, N.Y.

"Remember, we present to the emperor tomorrow at eleven."
Submitted by Mary Gregg, 
Bala Cynwyd, Pa.

I entered...

"On second thought, let's go back to thinking inside the box."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"For dessert we'll be having the upper half."

Leftovers...

Don't worry, that smell is the cheese.

That concludes tonights dinner theater mystery.

Now you all have a little piece of him inside you.

My condolences to the chef. 

Nominees...

"Backstabbing was already prevalent—we just added a twist."

Submitted by Ron Scheff, 

New York, N.Y.

"Be careful not to overwind—it can cost us overtime."

Submitted by Robert Clark, 

Crystal River, Fla.

"And Bob, here, came to us from a jewelry box."

Submitted by Mary Lorenz, 

Chicago, Ill.

I entered...

"They’re diligent but all they do is email each other cat videos."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"On second thought, let's go back to thinking inside the box."

Leftovers...

Lastly, I want to talk about Casual Friday's.





Nominees...

"Six rounds. Nine lives. You do the math."
Submitted by Tom Leonard, 

Berkeley, Calif. 

"Calm down—I just came to get my things."
Submitted by Amy Crossfield, 

Brooklyn   

"Consider the effect of recoil."
Submitted by Richard B. Peterson, 

Monterey, Calif.

I entered...

"I hope that gun holds more than nine bullets."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"They’re diligent but all they do is email each other cat videos."

Leftovers...

We’re replacing them with younger digital models.

The real savings is on coffee.

When they wind down it looks like Jonestown around here.

This Week's Nominees...

"You both know Jane."
Submitted by Diane Meagh, 

Atlanta, Ga.

"You two have a lot in common: ninety-eight per cent of your DNA and you're both in accounting."
Submitted by Kurt Grevstad, 

Seattle, Wash.

"Harry, Hairy. Hairy, Harry."
Submitted by Chuck Wahrhaftig, 

New York City

I entered...

 "Garry works in our conspiracy department."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"I hope that gun holds more than nine bullets."

Leftovers...

If you shot me, you're going to have to drag me into that hole.

I don't care about squatters rights.




Nominees...

"Damn, I loved that giraffe."

Submitted by Robert J. Robinson,

Kailua, Hawaii   

"It's my extended family."

Submitted by Woody Igou,

Winter Park, Fla.   

"I love her. And she can dunk."

Submitted by Peter M. Smith,

Kitchener, Ont.

I entered...

"Can you believe the hair I had in the Eighties?"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

 "Garry works in our conspiracy department."

Leftovers...

 You know Don's a bit of a legend himself in the Sales department.

You two seem to have a lot in common.

Maybe we should have waited to have the wake on November 1st.



This week's nominees...

"You're always cold!"
Submitted by Theresa Ricotta,
Cross River   

"We have to turn back. I forgot my scarf."
Submitted by Candice J. Linn,
Lakewood, Calif.

"Loosen up Ann. I'm not running for President anymore."
Submitted by Dennis Charles Roberts,
Los Angeles, Calif.

I entered...  
"Real bikers don't wear helmets!"

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Can you believe the hair I had in the Eighties?"

Leftovers...

This is my extended family.

This is my nephew with the basketball scholarship.

Why is there a portrait of Hillary Swank on my desk?

It's an artist's rendition of Milton Berle's penis.




This Week's Nominees...

We'll eventually miss him.
Submitted by Robert A. Rubenfeld,
New York

He never could commit.
Submitted by Carol Sullivan,
Kingston

He had great health insurance.
Submitted by Alan Wiles, 
Silver Creek

I entered...
"Something, something, something, Obama Care, something, something."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

 "Real bikers don't wear helmets!"

The leftovers...

You can't just run out on me in the middle of an argument!

Do you know how to get to Folsom street?

It's illegal to drive with a broken tail light!




This week's nominees...

"He'll be back."
Submitted by Jeffrey C. Kohl, 
Bloomington, Ill.   

"Bad chair day."
Submitted by David Lake,
Washington, D.C.   

"That startles me every time it happens."
Submitted by Michael Goode, 
Canton, N.C.
I entered...
"No more Sweeney Todd soundtrack for you."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Something, something, something, Obama Care, something, something."

Here's the leftovers...

It's only temporary until a room opens up in the hospital.

He looks so spiteful.






This week's nominees...

"I smell a horse."
Submitted by Tom Werts, 
New York, N.Y.

"I hope Harry don't crack. The cops are riding him pretty hard."
Submitted by J. Michael Douglas, 
Houston, Texas

"Because PETA said we can't whack him."
Submitted by Lee Neville, 
Niagara Falls, N.Y.

I entered...
"This is a job for Jimmy Two Thumbs, Pauly Sideburns, and Tommy Horse Cop."

This Week's New Yorker

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"No more Sweeney Todd soundtrack for you."

Here are the leftovers...

Online barber school huh Chuck?

He said a "LITTLE" off the top.
Well, he asked for a flat top.

This week's nominations...

"You don't say!"

Submitted by Jon Frye, 

Evanston, Ill.

"Stop me if you've heard this one.

"Submitted by William Rodarmor, 

Berkeley, Calif.

"You're cut out for this job.

"Submitted by Nael Alami, 

Memphis, Tenn.

I entered...

"Anyone ever tell you you look like the Marlboro man?"

This Week's New Yorker

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

 "This is a job for Jimmy Two Thumbs, Pauly Sideburns, and Tommy Horse Cop."

The leftovers

Gentlemen there is a rat among us. 

Gentlemen something stinks in this room.

This week's nominees...

"Last internship I was a coatrack."
Submitted by Dwight Vesty, 

Rochester, N.Y.

"Your mornings can't be any worse than my afternoons."
Submitted by Tim O'Connell, 

Henderson, Nev.

"Roger, everything reminds you of sex."
Submitted by Jerry Schulman, 

Western Springs, Ill.

I entered...

"Want to get lunch with the wastebasket guy?"

 

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Anyone ever tell you you look like the Marlboro man?"

Here are the leftovers...

Pour me a stiff one.

Thanks for keeping the bar open.

But enough about me...

No? Okay, then I'll drive myself home.

If you had a bottom half I'd take you home.

This Week's Nominees...

"This is why I hate cross-country skiing."
Submitted by Jesse Martin, 

Chula Vista, Calif.

"Worst Groupon ever!"
Submitted by Scott Middleton, 

Washington, D.C.

"I'm starting to hate your bucket list."
Submitted by Mark Huebner, 

Toronto, Ont.

I entered...

"I still don't think global warming is real."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Want to get lunch with the wastebasket guy?"

 

Leftovers...

Play your cards right and you could end up with my job.

At least we're not holding the toilet paper anymore.

This Week's Nominations...

"As long as it has four wheels, two headlights, and one steering wheel, we're happy."
Submitted by Pavel Cupal,

Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y.

"It's a toy!"
Submitted by Gale Davis,

Pasadena, Calif.

"Mazda tov!"
Submitted by Aziz El-Tahch, 

New York, N.Y.

I entered...

"But wait, I think I saw a college fund in there too!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"I still don't think global warming is real."

Leftovers...

Let's just call it a tie.

At least we beat the tourist season.






This Week's Nominees...

"I am from Doctors Without Offices."
Submitted by David Kempler,
Plainview, N.Y. 

"Now I'm getting a signal."
Submitted by Heather Rose Dominic,
New York, N.Y.

"Bad news: you've got four blocks to live."
Submitted by Ed Geis,
Portland, Ore.

I entered...

"Okay, let's move on to the prostate exam."

New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"But wait, I think I saw a college fund in there too!"

This week's nominees...

"What happened to your goldfish?"

Submitted by Mark Scheier,

Acton, Mass.

"It looks like Ted is out of gumballs. Meeting adjourned."
Submitted by Mark Hoehner,

Kensington, Calif.

"I miss you, too, Aunt Maude, but we were hoping to speak with Mr. Jobs."
Submitted by Brian Throckmorton,

Lexington, Ky.

I entered...

"If you don't have an idea could you please turn that off?"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this week's New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.

"Okay, let's move on to the prostate exam."

Here are the leftovers...

 Let's head in here and get a live stool.

 Just 23 more hours of this.

Can I interest you in life insurance?














This week's nominees...


"Crazy people have sat in yours."
Submitted by Jana McClain,
Carnation, Wash.

"Well, I have to go—my ride is here."
Submitted by Luam Melake,
New York, N.Y. 

"Are there two guys with a couch following me or am I imagining it?"
Submitted by Mary Ann Fitze,
Long Beach, Calif.

I entered...
"Seems we have more work to do on my Kleptomania."