F.U. Money

What would you do if you had so much money that you could say a big old "F U" to the world? This is what I would do...


I admit I don't know much about cars, but if I had endless financial means I would get one of the most extravagant cars money can buy just to make my static clear to the world. As I tried to think of the one car that represents incredible extravagance over all others, only one automobile came to mind. A car so luxurious that the likes of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Ted Turner can only rent one, a car so unique one needs specialized training just to drive it. That's right, I'm taking about...

















a limousine.






When I get my fortune I will not only purchase my own Limousine, but I plan on under going the elite "chauffeurs" training needed to drive this automobile. That way I will be able to pull up next to the "new money millionaires" in their Porches, Rolls Royces, and Lamborghinis and blow their minds as I tip my official chauffeurs cap and wrap my white gloves around the wheel and peel out into traffic. But I won't just be driving this thing to the store, hell no, I plan on doing some high performance shit; street racing, close track, Gumball 3000, I plan on opening up this M F'er! I will push it to the limit, even if it means blowing out a few worn tires and replacing a few busted champagne flutes.


I know what you're thinking, "Yeah, a Limousine is a phenomenal machine, but how practical is it? The Limousine not only has the elegance and sportiness of a Dodge Viper, it also has the practicality of a Ford Super Duty 450. Most sports vehicles don't even have a back seat, but the Limousine has the cargo room to haul furniture, industrial lumber, and an Apocalypse worth of groceries.


So as we head into prom season, the next time you pull up next to a beautiful Lincoln stretch, think twice before you challenge it to a drag off the line, it might just be me behind that tinted glass, and I will not hesitate to smoke your ass.

F.U. Money

What would you do if you had so much money that you could say a big old "F U" to the world? This is what I would do...

We don't own a car at the moment, but if we need one, we rent one from City Car Share. It's like a regular rental car service only all of the cars have a crappy graphic on the side that basically says, "This isn't my car. I rented this, because I can't afford a car".


But when I get my F.U. money I'm going to buy the most expensive, impractical car money can buy and I'm painting that shitty logo on the side. I'll pull up next to people in real City Car Share cars and they'll think, "What?! How did you get that? I thought they only had VW bugs and PT Cruisers!"



But I won't be a total jerk. I will contact City Rental Car and allow them to actually rent my car out for the reasonable price of $2,000 a day, and I will give half of that money to charity and the other half I will spend on this one hat I want.