This Weeks New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"We never should have gotten caller IED."









Here's the leftovers...


It's your mom.

It's still safer than a cel phone.

I picked up the land mine, instead of the land line. Get it? ...No? Look I'm just trying to have fun with a tragic situation. Yes, I'm up set too! I'm the victim here, the god damn phone blew up in my ear! I don't know why! I'm just trying to keep from freaking out by adding some humor into a confusing, and threatening situation! Oh my god! What the hell is happening?! I think I'm in shock! Oh my god! Who would do this to us?! I think I'm going to throw up! There goes the fire alarm! Call the police! Oh god we can't the phones blown up. Oh my god! I AM going to throw up! Would you please get out of bed?! This isn't happening! Oh God! Oh God! Okay, I am breathing, stop yelling at me. Okay, okay, okay, okay...okay... okay...okay...okay...okay. I'm okay. What? What? I can't hear, all I hear is ringing?! OH MY GOD, RYAN DID THIS! I know it! It's Ryan from work! He said that weird thing to me last week. I told you I wasn't comfortable firing someone! Oh my god! I knew he was dangerous! We have to get out of here! Get your things, we have to get out of here. It's not safe here! I'll get the cat, you get the cel phone and the earthquake kit, and we'll go to your mothers. DON'T TURN THE LIGHTS ON! DO NOT TURN THE LIGHTS ON! DO NOT! He might be... someone might be watching us! STOP YELLING! you're not helping! Don't stand up! Crawl! Follow me...

...Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? This is serious! What? What? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I hate you! Oh my god, I hate you! Unbelievable! unbelievable. Where's Ashton?













Here's this weeks nominees...





"An optimist would see sushi."
Submitted by Leo McCue
Haverhill, Mass.

"Really, voting him off the island was enough."
Submitted by Steve Stein
Larkspur, Calif.

"Let’s ask him to stay for dinner."
Submitted by John Rappel
Chicago, Ill.


I entered...

"Careful, he already ate my favorite book, and my favorite album!"