This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"If only there was a way to pause this so I could go to the bathroom."




Here's the leftovers...


Looks like there’s a use for this “fire” after all.

Now if we can just figure out how to turn fire into porn.

The news is too flashy these days.

I’ve seen this one.

Thank you, we’ll have our people capture your people.





Here's this weeks nominees...





“Dr. Ogden just called to say your mercury levels are on the high side.”
Submitted by Carol Burnham
Belvedere, Calif.

“Did you put 3,250 pounds of 'fresh mackerel' on my credit card?”
Submitted by Les Rubin
Floral Park, N.Y.

“Those buckets of fish heads aren't going to take themselves out.”
Submitted by Meredith Tyminski
Scottsdale, Ariz.

I entered...
"I don’t care if you are a walrus, start acting like a manatee!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"The conference room needs "extra seats", not ecstasy!"









Here's the leftovers...


I told you he's not allowed to have caffeine.

How do you know that was my fart?








Here's this week's nominees...




"I'm six feet tall if I stand on my toes."
Submitted by Bruce Fallick
Kirkland, Wash.

"O.K., now we'd like to see No. 4 in the tutu."
Submitted by Mike Hammer
Arlington, Va.

"These were winnowed down from a group of thirty-seven using DNA testing."
Submitted by Robert Siegel
Rochester, N.Y.

I entered...
"Number 3 please perform a Petit jete followed by a Fouette en tournant and say, “Give me your wallet or I’ll knock out your teeth."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I don’t care if you are a walrus, start acting like a manatee!"




Here are the leftovers...

Oh, stop your blubbering.



Here's this weeks nominees...





"This is the last time I park on this side of town!"
Submitted by Michael Wagner
Glendale, Wis.

"I knew I should have had that alarm installed when I got you."
Submitted by James Novaco
Naugatuck, Conn.

"Sorry, boy, but you know how it is with them peel 'n' eat shrimp."
Submitted by Andrew Jeske
Hartsdale, N.Y.


I entered...
"Good news! I won your skin back."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Number 3 please perform a Petit jete followed by a Fouette en tournant and say, “Give me your wallet or I’ll knock out your teeth."



Here are the leftovers...


Do you know which one of the suspects waltz out of the store with your money?

Mrs. Harding would you please step forward.










Here are this weeks nominees...






“You the Ponzi varmint that lost our nest egg?”
Submitted by Annette Gasparon
Secane, Pa.

“Sorry, buddy, but we've got the room for the next hour.”
Submitted by Joseph Gibson
Winter Haven, Fla.

“Is this a bad time to talk about refinancing our loan?”
Submitted by Twyman Towery
Mount Juliet, Tenn.

I entered...

"I guess donkey burgers are an acquired taste."

Dog Toy Painting Series ( Cat Toy )

It's been awhile since I did a Dog Toy Painting, and it's going to be awhile until I do another, but in the meantime, this one was done for my wife of our cat Monkey's favorite toy. I don't normally do toys that don't have faces, but most of her toys didn't. Monkey use to grab hold of this thing and tare the crap out of it!

F.U. Money

What would you do if you had so much money that you could say a big old "F U" to the world? This is what I would do...

We don't own a car at the moment, but if we need one, we rent one from City Car Share. It's like a regular rental car service only all of the cars have a crappy graphic on the side that basically says, "This isn't my car. I rented this, because I can't afford a car".


But when I get my F.U. money I'm going to buy the most expensive, impractical car money can buy and I'm painting that shitty logo on the side. I'll pull up next to people in real City Car Share cars and they'll think, "What?! How did you get that? I thought they only had VW bugs and PT Cruisers!"



But I won't be a total jerk. I will contact City Rental Car and allow them to actually rent my car out for the reasonable price of $2,000 a day, and I will give half of that money to charity and the other half I will spend on this one hat I want.