This Weeks New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"We never should have gotten caller IED."









Here's the leftovers...


It's your mom.

It's still safer than a cel phone.

I picked up the land mine, instead of the land line. Get it? ...No? Look I'm just trying to have fun with a tragic situation. Yes, I'm up set too! I'm the victim here, the god damn phone blew up in my ear! I don't know why! I'm just trying to keep from freaking out by adding some humor into a confusing, and threatening situation! Oh my god! What the hell is happening?! I think I'm in shock! Oh my god! Who would do this to us?! I think I'm going to throw up! There goes the fire alarm! Call the police! Oh god we can't the phones blown up. Oh my god! I AM going to throw up! Would you please get out of bed?! This isn't happening! Oh God! Oh God! Okay, I am breathing, stop yelling at me. Okay, okay, okay, okay...okay... okay...okay...okay...okay. I'm okay. What? What? I can't hear, all I hear is ringing?! OH MY GOD, RYAN DID THIS! I know it! It's Ryan from work! He said that weird thing to me last week. I told you I wasn't comfortable firing someone! Oh my god! I knew he was dangerous! We have to get out of here! Get your things, we have to get out of here. It's not safe here! I'll get the cat, you get the cel phone and the earthquake kit, and we'll go to your mothers. DON'T TURN THE LIGHTS ON! DO NOT TURN THE LIGHTS ON! DO NOT! He might be... someone might be watching us! STOP YELLING! you're not helping! Don't stand up! Crawl! Follow me...

...Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? This is serious! What? What? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I hate you! Oh my god, I hate you! Unbelievable! unbelievable. Where's Ashton?













Here's this weeks nominees...





"An optimist would see sushi."
Submitted by Leo McCue
Haverhill, Mass.

"Really, voting him off the island was enough."
Submitted by Steve Stein
Larkspur, Calif.

"Let’s ask him to stay for dinner."
Submitted by John Rappel
Chicago, Ill.


I entered...

"Careful, he already ate my favorite book, and my favorite album!"

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"How do I know you're not a cop?"









Here's the leftovers...

You must be a professional surfer.

It's either accounting or Surfing Dave, you can't do both.

I swear I made the last payment on that board!

Can I interest you in some Life Guard Insurance?



Here's this week's nominees...




"That's it. I'm returning those narciscissors today!"
Submitted by Ryan Carroll
Chicago, Ill.

"Keep going—it's starting to turn me on."
Submitted by Michael O’Hara
Malibu, Calif.

"I wish you’d go back to doing self-portraits."
Submitted by Jerry Sobol
New York, N.Y.

I entered...

"I said the garden needs more "Narcissus"."

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Careful, he already ate my favorite book, and my favorite album!"



Here are the leftovers...

This is the shark I picked to have on a desert island.

I caught some food.

The good news is there’s no shark in the water.

Marco…Polo...Fish out of water!








Here are this week's nominees...

"These are required, sir. Other people do have to testify after you."
Submitted by Bo Grimes
Pikeville, N.C.

"Would this be the article you consider 'optional'?"
Submitted by Duncan McLeod
Oakland, Calif.

"Your Honor, permission to join the witness."
Submitted by Jonathan Rosenberg
Eugene, Ore.



I entered...

"Please tell me these shorts are still admissible."

Latest Covered...

Here's the latest edition to one of my favorite websites, "Covered". "Covered" was created by comic artist Robert Goodin, it's a website where artists do "covers" of their favorite comic book covers (Like a band "covering" a song). To see and comment on my third, and certainly not final entree... click here...I'm all about the classic X-men.

This Week's New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"I said the garden needs more "Narcissus"."









Here's the leftovers...


I hope you're enjoying your "me" time.





Here's this weeks nominees...





"I told you the matinée wouldn't be crowded."
Submitted by Don Georgianna
Brooklyn, N.Y.

"And I have him booked right through the Iron Age."
Submitted by Ted May
New York, N.Y.

"Before we got fire, we used to talk to each other."
Submitted by Virginia Dunn
San Diego, Calif.

I entered...

"If only there was a way to pause this so I could go to the bathroom."

This Weeks New Yorker Caption Contest

Here is my entry in this weeks New Yorker Caption Contest. Each week they provide the image and you provide the caption.


"Please tell me these shorts are still admissible."








Here's the leftovers...


My I remind you you’re under oath, and under dressed.

Place your right hand on these gross shorts and repeat after me.



Here's this weeks nominees...




"He won't last long."
Submitted by Andrew Seward
Frederick, Md.

"Monday mornings you want to strangle him."
Submitted by Tom Frenkel
Sunnyside, N.Y.

"Baxter's our idea man."
Submitted by David Ewbank
Kent, Ohio

I entered...

"The conference room needs "extra seats", not ecstasy!"

F.U. Money

What would you do if you had so much money that you could say a big old "F U" to the world? This is what I would do...


I admit I don't know much about cars, but if I had endless financial means I would get one of the most extravagant cars money can buy just to make my static clear to the world. As I tried to think of the one car that represents incredible extravagance over all others, only one automobile came to mind. A car so luxurious that the likes of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Ted Turner can only rent one, a car so unique one needs specialized training just to drive it. That's right, I'm taking about...

















a limousine.






When I get my fortune I will not only purchase my own Limousine, but I plan on under going the elite "chauffeurs" training needed to drive this automobile. That way I will be able to pull up next to the "new money millionaires" in their Porches, Rolls Royces, and Lamborghinis and blow their minds as I tip my official chauffeurs cap and wrap my white gloves around the wheel and peel out into traffic. But I won't just be driving this thing to the store, hell no, I plan on doing some high performance shit; street racing, close track, Gumball 3000, I plan on opening up this M F'er! I will push it to the limit, even if it means blowing out a few worn tires and replacing a few busted champagne flutes.


I know what you're thinking, "Yeah, a Limousine is a phenomenal machine, but how practical is it? The Limousine not only has the elegance and sportiness of a Dodge Viper, it also has the practicality of a Ford Super Duty 450. Most sports vehicles don't even have a back seat, but the Limousine has the cargo room to haul furniture, industrial lumber, and an Apocalypse worth of groceries.


So as we head into prom season, the next time you pull up next to a beautiful Lincoln stretch, think twice before you challenge it to a drag off the line, it might just be me behind that tinted glass, and I will not hesitate to smoke your ass.

Covered

On Friday May 7th I'm going to have another comic cover on the Covered website. I know this isn't much of a post, but I just wanted to post something other than a New Yorker Caption Contest.

Click here for the ones I've done thus far...